Tangled Roots is my model – it’s the combination of undiagnosed (sometimes diagnosed) neurodivergence + complex trauma + narcissistic or dysfunctional family system. I find that many of my clients have this specific combination in their histories.
The Crucible is the center of this ven diagram – that’s where the client resides.
Symptoms of this combination include: difficulty with self-trust, self-esteem and self-worth, various mood issues including depression and anxiety, struggles with romantic and intimate relationships, never feeling quite “at home” especially with immediate family. Some are the family scapegoat: the identified patient, the sick one. Some are golden children: always striving, sometimes people pleasers.
Healing takes place in the following order:
- Safety
- Control
- Responsibility
- Identity
First, you have to feel safe in your body and in your environment. Then you need to feel in control of your body and your environment. Then you need to identify what is your responsibility, what you are and are not to blame for, and what you should or will be responsible for moving forward. Identity work is the most dense and lasting: figuring out who you are underneath the traumatic wounding.
I find EMDR to be the best method to this healing. I also incorporate CBT, mindfulness, IFS, and somatic techniques. I believe in integration and whatever works for the client.
The two main presentations of trauma are re-experiencing and avoidance. It’s hard to sit in the chair and risk re-experiencing, but avoidance doesn’t move the needle and it’s not neutral. I don’t let a client sit in a state of avoidance: they’ve often been doing that for their whole lives.
Facing the past and digging out the wounds takes bravery. The result is real change and deep healing.
